


Letters

by AngelynMoon



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Bucky Barnes Feels, Gen, Goodbyes, Hurt No Comfort, Letters, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Old-Fashioned Steve Rogers, Sad Ending, Suicidal Thoughts, Tony Stark Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:46:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24019984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelynMoon/pseuds/AngelynMoon
Summary: An Au where Steve uses the Gauntlet instead of Tony and wrote letters for his friends.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers & Avengers Team
Comments: 5
Kudos: 47





	1. Tony

There are letters waiting for them when they return from the Battlefield to the small house Tony had been raising his daughter with Pepper. It the mail box like they had been sent a while ago and had gone through the postal system.

With the Compound destroyed Tony had offered his living room floor to the original Avengers, plus Barnes and Wilson and Wanda and Peter. The rest of the Returned finding other places among those who hadn't been Snapped away or going home to the ones who'd been left behind five years ago.

Of course their missing member was felt keenly as Pepper led them inside the quiet house, gently guiding Peter up to the small spare room next to Morgan's, going to check on their sleeping daughter before going to bed herself, leaving Tony to tend his former teammates and Steve's friends.

Tony directed them to the living room, watching them settle on the couches and the floor, silent and hardly looking at one another.

Tony wasn't sure what made him walk to the mail box, maybe it was just the uncomfortable atmosphere that having the old team together again had made, but he'd gone to check the mail, even though there was never much there, mainly those generic 'Dear neighbor' letters.

So, it was surprising to find the stack of letters in his mail box, each one addressed to the Avengers plus one for Wilson, Barnes, and Wanda in Steve's handwriting.

Tony stared at the letters before wandering back in a daze because if Steve had wanted the letters to reach them after the battle he had to have sent them before he'd even come to talk to Tony, before Lang had even shown up.

"Tony?" Natasha asked softly from where she clung tightly to Clint as he re-entered the living room.

Tony wasn't sure what had happened on Vormir or why Clint hadn't gone home to his wife and children but he hadn't let Natasha out of his sight after they'd returned, not willingly at least.

But unless they volunteered the information Tony wasn't going to ask.

Tony held up the letter stack.

"Guess Steve was old-fashioned." Tony said softly.

Silently Tony handed the envelopes to their owners, the cream marred only by the colors of their names printed lovingly on the front and their Avenger's symbol.

Green for Bruce with a small stylized Hulk, gold for Thor and a depiction of his Hammer, silver for Natasha with a tiny spider in one corner, blue for Wanda with a Q hiding a tiny W, pink for Wilson and a small falcon, purple and Arrows for Clint, red and a sketch of IronMan in flight for Tony and plain black for Barnes, no sketch but the lettering on his was a bit uneven, as though the writer's hand had been shaking or they had been crying.

They all held their letters gently, each of them unwilling to be the first to open them because in a way these were Steve's last words.

None of them had been close enough when Steve had snatched the Stones from Thanos to hear what either of them had said those final moments.

But Tony had been close enough to see the relieved look on Steve's face as he'd turned his face to the sky, eyes closed as a light rain had washed away some of the dirt and grime, his helmet lost somewhere during the battle. Then the Stones had fallen from the Gauntlet and Steve had joined Thanos and his Army in turning to ash, Shield falling to the the ground with a dull clang while Thor's Hammer had landed with a final sounding thud.

He'd looked at peace with the rain washing away the dust of battle, he'd looked like he was being freed as he'd slowly turned to ash, crumbling apart lime Peter had five years ago, but so much less horrifying, it had looked like it was the ending that Steve had expected, welcomed even.

Tony would never be able to forget that look, it was a man who was dying content.

Tony took a deep breath and turned his envelope over, carefully breaking it's seal and pulled out the crisply folded paper from inside.

He unfolded it slowly, aware that the others were watching him.

'Dear Tony,' Tony read silently.

'I didn't mean to die, and if you're reading this then I did, but honestly, there wasn't really another way for this to end, not for me, that's just the way it is. It's not your fault, no matter what you're thinking.

'You told me a long time ago that you weren't soldiers, and you were right, you're not. You didn't sign up to die, you signed up to help.

'I'm a soldier, Tony, when I signed on to Erskine's experiment there was a chance it wouldn't work, that I'd die in that Pod.

'What I'm saying, Tony, is that I basically signed up to die. One way or another I knew I'd end up in a box whether it was because of the Serum or the War.

'Guess I just got the wrong War.

'I wish you well, Tony, and I'm sorry about everything. This isn't me asking you to forgive me. Sort of useless anyway if you're reading this.

'But I'd lile Sam to have the Shield, Bucky'd take it if you asker him but...

'I guess it's a little selfish to ask him to go back to Wakanda, to finally stop fighting when that's all I ever made him do, fight.

'Can I ask you to look out for him? Is that too much?' 

Tony had to pause, had to loom away from the blurring words to blink away his tears.

His eyes fell on Barnes, the only one who hadn't opened their letter as Tony read his own.

He was just staring at his name scrawled one the envelope, flesh thumb caressing the shaky lettering.

Tony turned back to his own letter once he'd cleared his eyes, though he took some comfort that he was not the only one with tears blurring his vision.

He kept reading.

'It probably is but I really don't have anyone else to ask, not if Sam takes the Shield.

'Bucky...Bucky's not going to take my death well, never has, no matter how sick I got he'd refuse to give me last Rites, no matter what the Docs said about my survival.

'I guess it's lucky that it was always me being left behind instead of him.

And Tony could almost hear Steve laughing at that, bitter and sad.

'Can you tell him I love him?

'He's not going to open the letter I left him for a bit, he'll put it off until he can't anymore and I...

'I want him to know now, he needs to know that whatever I did it was for him because I didn't want to live without him, not again.

'What ever happened, it was for him, to get him back, it's always been for him.

'If it didn't work, I guess none of this matters.

'If it didn't work then he's with me, or I'm with him and I'm glad to be with him again, sorry I couldn't get Peter back for you but we'll look out for him, promise.

'Have a good life, Tony.

'Steve Rogers, Captain America.

'P.s. Your daughter is beautiful. I hope she knows how lucky she is to have a father like you.'

"Damn it, Rogers." Tony snarler as he crumpled his letter and threw it across the room, he'd find it later and smooth it out but right now he was angry.

Tony was angry because Steve had just made it impossible to stay mad at him because knowing that Barnes had been his lover changed everything.

What wouldn't Tony have done for Pepper if she'd been in Barnes' position. What hadn't he done when she was in danger?

Damn it, Tony scrubbed his hand down his face.

Steve should have told him, had he thought Tony would hate him for being gay? But, no, Tony thought, Steve had told him but Tony hadn't understood that emphasis on Friend when Steve had called Barnes that, too blinded by the fact that he'd been Steve's.

But Steve hadn't meant it the was Tony had, Steve had meant lover when he'd said friend, he'd meant 'he's my everything' when he'd said 'he's my friend' and Tony hadn't understood why Steve had left the Shield next to him so easily and walked away with Barnes.

Tony hadn't understood then, barely understood now, but that didn't matter, did it?

Tony sighed and got up to walk over to Barnes, Wilson tensing as Tony sat next to him.

Barnes just looked at him and Tony looked into heartbroken, tear filled eyes and drew the man into his arms, gently removing the man's letter from his crushing grip.

"He loved you." Tony said softly, "He loved you so much."

And Tony felt Barnes start to cry, the shuddering of his sobs, the wet spots growing on his shirt, the grip on his shirt squeezing as the man clung to him.

"Did it hurt?" Barnes asked quietly, "He wasn't in pain when he went?" 

"No, he looked...," Tony paused as he searched for the right word, eyes closed as he remembered the look on Steve's face as he faded away into nothing, "He looked at peace." Tony whispered into the silent room, glad that it was true, it would have been hard to have had to lie, though Tony knew he would have done so for the way that Barnes relaxed into his hold, body still shuddering with quiet sobs.

"Good, I'm glad it didn't hurt." Barnes whispered.

Soon the rest of the group joined Tony and Barnes in a group hug and as they remained up in a silent but tear filled vigil, suns rose up slowly on a grateful universe and the sun shined upon the First Avenger's ashes one last time before a wind scattered them across his final battle ground.

\--


	2. Bucky

There won't even be a body to bury, Bucky thinks as he lets Sam guide him down to Stark's couch.

When they have the funeral, and they will, it'll be big, public and there will be an empty box that Bucky is going to have to lift on to his shoulder because how could he not.

He's going to have to keep his face blank as strangers take a flag from over the top of it and fold it up into a tiny triangle and they'll probably hand it to Natasha instead of him because only Sam knows how deep he and Steve were connected.

They never got marrier, Bucky thinks as Stark hands him an envelope with his name, their eyes meet briefly before Bucky looks away.

They all have a letter, even Stark, but none of them rush to open them, they are Steve's last words, his goodbye and Bucky isn't ready.

He's not ready to say goodbye, not yet, not again, not ever.

It's not supposed to be the end of the line yet.

Bucky lets his thumb caress his name in Steve's unsteady handwriting.

They should have gotten married, should have asked T'Challa to marry them, at least them Bucky would get Steve's stupid Casket Flag.

They could have invited Stark and everyone else, cleared the air and pretended for a little while that they'd get to live happily ever after.

Bucky had always known that being with Steve would be dangerous, that one way or another they weren't going to die old in their beds.

Steve was too much a Soldier for that, too willing to fight for a cause and to die for it.

Bucky had thought it'd be worth it, had figured he'd go first so he wouldn't have to watch Steve die.

How long had Bucky been Steve's cause? As long as Steve had been Bucky's he supposed.

It startled him when Stark threw his letter across the room, surprised him when the man sat next to him and Bucky looked at him and his sad but understanding eyes.

There was a moment of tension before Stark drew him into a hug, gently tugging Steve's letter from where his hands were crinkling the envelope.

"He loved you." Stark murmured, "He loved you so much."

And Bucky broke, whatever Steve had put in Stark's letter must have told him to tell Bucky that.

Steve must have known Bucky wouldn't be able to open his letter and had asked Stark to tell Bucky those words because Bucky knew Stark hadn't known about him and Steve before.

"Did it hurt?" Bucky found himself asking, he had to know, "He wasn't in pain when he went?"

"No, he looked...," Stark hesitated and Bucky wondered if he was thinking up a lie and couldn't find it in himself to care, if it meant he heard that Steve had gone with a smile on his face, Bucky would believe that lie with all his heart because the alternative hurt too much.

"He looked at peace." Stark told him.

Bucky let out a soft sigh as tears left his eyes again.

"Good, I'm glad it didn't hurt." He told Stark, forced himself to believe that Steve had gone gently, in peace, maybe even thinking about them, a happy little dream that would never be real now.

The others joined their hug, all of them keeping one final, silent watch for their leader, their Captain.

In the morning, after the sun rose, they would bury an empty box for the world, or maybe they would put something of Steve's in the box.

Maybe Bucky could get away with putting himself in it because he'd always belonged to Steve, even when he didn't know it, but he didn't think Steve would approve.

So, Bucky would put his tags in the box, he'd carry it on his shoulders with Stark, Thor, Sam, Clint and Natasha, he'd watch Natasha get handed Steve's Flag and he'd help lower the casket into a dark hole and he'd listen to stupid, old men make speeches like they hadn't made Steve a fugitive and he'd pretend like his heart wasn't breaking when they buried an empty casket beneath dirt.

The end of the line wasn't supposed to have come so soo .

And in his pocket will be an unread letter.

A goodbye that Bucky would never be ready for.


	3. Bucky's letter

'Dear Bucky,

It's been five years and I can't do this without you anymore.

'If I'm lucky, if we're lucky, you'll be back and I'll finally retire for real. We'll go live as hermits and raise those stupid goats you're so fond of.

'We'll get married, finally. We'll be happy, surely the universe owes us that?

'Then again, when have we been lucky?

If you're reading this, then it worked, whatever it was we ended up doing, you're back and maybe I'm just injured, unable to grab these letters and keep them from your eyes.

'If I'm dead...

'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

'If I'm dead then know that I love you, know that I died with your face in mind, that it was your voice I remembered saying you loved me.

'Know that no matter what, I died loving you, Bucky.

'I asked Sam to take the Shield. 

'I want you to go back to Wakanda, or anyplace you want to go.

'I want you to build a new life.

'I don't want you to give up, you deserve a chance to live.

'So, please, live for us.

'Till the end of the line I'll love you.

'Steve.

'P.s. I never did make it to the Grand Canyon, maybe you can take us there.

'I love you, Bucky, for now and always, this life and the next and any others we find ourselves in.

'I love you, Bucky Barnes.'

**Author's Note:**

> A/n: Natasha lives because you have to exchange what you love most for the Soul Stone and Clint loves his wife and children so much that doesn't matter that they were dusted and so he sacrifices their memory of him for the Stone.
> 
> Unfortunate, yes, but Clint thinks it a fair enough exchange because they get to live at least and this way his job can no longer hurt them and at least he can see how well they are doing without him, it hurts, it does but it's enough knowing they'll be okay.
> 
> Since they had used the Stones to get back those Snapped away the Soul Stone required another sacrifice for the second snap to get rid of Thanos and his Army.
> 
> Steve, unwilling to lose Bucky yet again, offers his own life as a sacrifice and so he, too is duster with Thanos and his Army
> 
> For him, knowing that Bucky is alive is enough to die in peace, though perhaps the Stones have pity on the Soldier and show him a reality where War never touched him and Bucky, where they got to live happily ever after and died holding hands and smiling, old in their bed.
> 
> And perhaps once the Avengers' Compound is rebuild odd things happen, like how volatile substances blowing up when nobody is around to get hurt or people landing safer than expected.
> 
> And some of the younger children that come around, Morgan in particular, claims to hear laughter in the halls and a soft voice whispering 'I love you till the end of the line' to Mister Bucky when he's around.


End file.
